Why I am a Slacker Mom

There's nothing like having ADD to make you realize your limitations.

There are so many useless but trendy ways for parents to waste time and money these days. It seems like they are de rigueur for the responsible parent. Particularly if they want their kid to go to Harvard. Or simply stay out of jail.

But I would argue that not only are Spanish classes for 18 month olds and a TV-free household unnecessary, they are unrealistic. In my mind, they are the luxury of moms who have compliant kids, reasonable (or no) ex-husbands, and a clear mind, meaning they can actually remember more than 1 thing at a time.

Maybe it would be nice to have a completely organic diet, but try
telling that to your autistic step-daughter whose hypersensitive sense
of taste and stubborn demeanor makes it hard to get her to eat anything
but chicken nuggets and french fries.

When my hyper-mom friends or colleagues start ranting about how terrible TV is for the juvenile brain, I might - just might, mind you - resolve to limit my kids TV watching to a couple of hours on the weekends. But I might not. I'll tell you why. That TV can sometimes bring me much-needed peace.

My kids are not normal kids. Really. I know everyone says that, but my kids seem like they were born to harass me into oblivion. Call it bad social skills. It comes with ADD. Theirs and mine. But they really seem to not get it sometimes that they are seriously driving me crazy. Mostly it is their endless talking, craving attention, and constant need of supervision. Of course, they don't seem to need supervision when they want to "make a chocolate banana cream pie" in the kitchen. Involving bananas, eggs, milk, whipped cream, at least a gallon of chocolate syrup, no recipe of course, and a huge mess. But when MOM WANTS THEM TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS RIGHT NOW, somehow they can't figure out how to do it. No idea what to use? Towel. Where are the towels? In the drawer. How do I clean it up? WIPE IT WITH THE TOWEL.

Why does this happen to me?

I may want my kids to play imaginative games or cooperative sports outside all day instead of TV or video games, but if it requires me to spend all my day organizing and leading activities, and mediating sibling disputes, then it is way too much trouble. It tires my brain out. Let them veg in front of the TV for a while so I can do something exciting like clean the toilets in peace.

My brain is constanly worn out because I have to supervise kids all day long. Other parents can tell their kids to "get ready for bed" and they will brush their teeth, floss, put on their PJs, and (probably) get into bed. Not my kids. Get ready for bed means think about turning off the TV or cleaning up the strewn action figures, eventually do it after another reminder, going to the bedroom and getting distracted with the toys there, getting reminded again to go brush your teeth. Going to the bathroom means going near the parents' TV, which means another distraction - and other reminder to get up off your f&^!ng a$$ and brush your teeth! All this while I'm trying to remember whatever I was doing at the time.

So I'll tell you. I was slacker before slacker was cool. Because I have to.