Why I am a Slacker Mom

There's nothing like having ADD to make you realize your limitations.

There are so many useless but trendy ways for parents to waste time and money these days. It seems like they are de rigueur for the responsible parent. Particularly if they want their kid to go to Harvard. Or simply stay out of jail.

But I would argue that not only are Spanish classes for 18 month olds and a TV-free household unnecessary, they are unrealistic. In my mind, they are the luxury of moms who have compliant kids, reasonable (or no) ex-husbands, and a clear mind, meaning they can actually remember more than 1 thing at a time.

Maybe it would be nice to have a completely organic diet, but try
telling that to your autistic step-daughter whose hypersensitive sense
of taste and stubborn demeanor makes it hard to get her to eat anything
but chicken nuggets and french fries.

When my hyper-mom friends or colleagues start ranting about how terrible TV is for the juvenile brain, I might - just might, mind you - resolve to limit my kids TV watching to a couple of hours on the weekends. But I might not. I'll tell you why. That TV can sometimes bring me much-needed peace.

My kids are not normal kids. Really. I know everyone says that, but my kids seem like they were born to harass me into oblivion. Call it bad social skills. It comes with ADD. Theirs and mine. But they really seem to not get it sometimes that they are seriously driving me crazy. Mostly it is their endless talking, craving attention, and constant need of supervision. Of course, they don't seem to need supervision when they want to "make a chocolate banana cream pie" in the kitchen. Involving bananas, eggs, milk, whipped cream, at least a gallon of chocolate syrup, no recipe of course, and a huge mess. But when MOM WANTS THEM TO CLEAN UP THAT MESS RIGHT NOW, somehow they can't figure out how to do it. No idea what to use? Towel. Where are the towels? In the drawer. How do I clean it up? WIPE IT WITH THE TOWEL.

Why does this happen to me?

I may want my kids to play imaginative games or cooperative sports outside all day instead of TV or video games, but if it requires me to spend all my day organizing and leading activities, and mediating sibling disputes, then it is way too much trouble. It tires my brain out. Let them veg in front of the TV for a while so I can do something exciting like clean the toilets in peace.

My brain is constanly worn out because I have to supervise kids all day long. Other parents can tell their kids to "get ready for bed" and they will brush their teeth, floss, put on their PJs, and (probably) get into bed. Not my kids. Get ready for bed means think about turning off the TV or cleaning up the strewn action figures, eventually do it after another reminder, going to the bedroom and getting distracted with the toys there, getting reminded again to go brush your teeth. Going to the bathroom means going near the parents' TV, which means another distraction - and other reminder to get up off your f&^!ng a$$ and brush your teeth! All this while I'm trying to remember whatever I was doing at the time.

So I'll tell you. I was slacker before slacker was cool. Because I have to.

Where is our Leader?

Just like I thought... small rumbles of discontent among Obama supporters and progressives in general about what appears to be a glaring lack of leadership. (See for example Paul Krugman's recent article and Clive Crook's Financial Times Op-Ed.) Didn't we have high hopes for this guy, a new sort of politician, wildly popular? Wasn't he going to save the country from economic ruin at our time of peril? Although I was not among the euphoric throngs last November, I did hold up hopes that Obama would be able to really change something for the better, after eight years of disastrous policies. The economic and housing crisis showed us that reform was desperately needed, particularly once huge financial institutions began going bankrupt and disappearing from the scene, taking our 401Ks with them. Although things were (and still are) in a huge mess, I wondered if Obama could take this opportunity presented to him to not only bring us out of the crisis but also making much-needed reforms to the system, to strengthen it against future crises.

At the same time, I was only too aware that he is a savvy politician, like all the others, and a newbie to boot. That's why I didn't rush out and immediately proclaim Obama our Savior. He may be The One, at least to many, but it isn't too hard for a jaded, grizzled, political scientist like me to see the signs of carefully constructed image-making in progress.

The history of the Obama Administration has been admittedly short, but so far, it has been a history of wasted opportunities. Obama seems to have a very ambitious agenda - stimulus, financial regulatory reform, health care reform, climate change - all of which are important, but important to do well. But what we are getting are truly half-assed attempts to do a lot, and not getting any of it right. What good is a stimulus plan that doesn't spend enough to put a dent in unemployment, but spends enough to pile on to the national debt and create international worries about the strength of the dollar and the worth of US treasury bonds? Does it help us to pass a bill "reforming" health care that leaves unsolved most of the problems that currently plague our health care system? (see yesterday's NY Times for an excellent article about widespread bankruptcies among the insured!)

Of course, compromises are necessary in politics, and no policy emerges from the policy process perfect. But it seems that a leader as talented and popular as Obama, coming at a time when people look to him for answers, could use the enormous political capital he inherited to stand up for a select few crucial reform packages. He has the bully pulpit, and he has phenomenal communication skills at his disposal. He should use them to explain to the American public, and to Congress, what needs to be done, and why. He can stand up for a few principles, not just the idea of getting a bill passed. Sub-contracting the bill-writing process to Congress may be a great way to get Congress on board, but it's a terrible way to construct a coherent policy. A bad bill doesn't solve problems.

In fact, some of the solutions may not be cheap - or at least they could require an eventual tax increase, depending on the particular path chosen. Obama may need to defend some unpopular solutions - a good idea if they will work - so that he can bang enough heads together to get a bill passed that will actually solve some tough problems we are facing. We need to stop medically-induced bankruptcies, the shrinking of our retirement funds, and the unsustainable and unbalanced consumption of resources leading to dangerous climate change.

So, I am asking Obama to do a tough job, but so far it looks like he is not up to the task.

(image: Financial Times)